SUPPORTING A FRIEND WHO HAS CANCER II

Practical help

Your assistance with daily tasks and chores is valuable help to a friend going through cancer treatment. Be creative with the help you offer. Remember that your friend’s needs may change, so be flexible in shifting your plans as needed. Here are some suggestions:

• Shop for groceries and pick up prescriptions.
• Help with chores around the house, such as getting the mail, taking care of pets, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of plants and flowers, and taking out the garbage.
• Cook dinner and drop it off at your friend’s house.
• Schedule a night of takeout food and movies together.
• Baby-sit children, take them to and from school and evening activities, and arrange for play dates.
• Organize a phone chain and/or support team to check on your friend regularly.
• Call, email, or text regularly. Let your friend know it’s okay if he or she doesn’t reply.
• Drive your friend to an appointment or a support group meeting. You can take notes during a doctor's appointment or keep your friend company during a treatment session.
• Go for a walk together.
• Think about the little things your friend enjoys and makes life “normal” for them. This could be helping to decorate for a holiday or weeding the garden. If there is something your friend would usually do, there are many ways you can make it a bit easier for him or her to do it.

Forming support teams

Organizing a support team is a great way to help a friend living with cancer. Some online communities offer tools to coordinate tasks among friends and caregivers, and shareable online calendars may help you organize activities among your group of friends and family. Or you can always make a paper calendar and write in the various activities and commitments by hand. Make sure your friend has access to the calendar so he or she knows what to expect and when.

Gift ideas

There may be times when you want to give your friend a gift. As with any gift, keep in mind the interests and hobbies of your friend and your relationship to that friend. For instance, a close friend may be able to give something really silly or unusual, whereas a neighbor or work colleague may want to stick with something more traditional.

While giving a gift is one way to show you care about someone, be careful not to give your friend anything that promotes a specific treatment or philosophy as a cure for cancer. People make decisions about their disease after a lot of thought so it’s important to respect their choices and their coping process, whether it is what you would do in the same situation or not. Keep gifts fun, interesting, serious, or light, depending on what your friend needs the most at that moment.

Some ideas include:

• Magazines, audio books, novels, books of short stories or poetry, or gift cards to purchase reading material
• CDs or gift cards for downloadable music
• DVDs of movies, TV shows, or documentaries
• Accessories (earrings, bracelets, scarves, ties, hats), makeup, or beauty items
• Crossword or Sudoku puzzles
• Note cards or a journal
• A video message from family and friends
• Gift certificates for massage, spa services, restaurants, or museum/art gallery passes
• Gift cards to grocery stores
• A housecleaning service
• Portable hobby supply kits (scrapbooking, drawing, needlepoint)
• Pajamas or robe
• Flowers or plants

Friendship makes a difference

Continuing friendships and regular activities after a cancer diagnosis is a great way to further the healing process. But don’t forget that friends also need encouragement and support after cancer treatment has finished. After treatment your friend will be trying to find his or her "new normal" in this next phase of life, and friendships are an important part of that. With these practical suggestions in mind, your friendship can make a lasting difference to a person living with cancer.

Source: cancer.net